I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
