I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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