I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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