He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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