my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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