you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
