I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
