I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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