omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Watching her eat just hurts me
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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