eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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