Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
