Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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