i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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