i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
false alarm. still invincible.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
