Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
