Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
