I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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