Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
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