Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
