Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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