i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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