I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
