Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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