fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
