you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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