someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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