Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
