you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
