Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
