I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We got so high we made milksteak
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
