so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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