i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
