i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
worst night to have a conscience
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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