she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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