Your face is a jimmy john
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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