yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
