You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
