dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
