Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
