hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
