Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
