Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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