margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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