When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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