Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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