the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
