I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I will pee on everything he values.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
