If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
