did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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