So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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